Communication Breakdown
It can happen to any of us. Communication is such an unpredictable thing, and the lines of communication can become very unclear occasionally, especially when emotions are involved. Even those who think that they’re resistant to the confusion of conflict can find themselves drawn right into a communication breakdown when they least expect it, and chaos ensues.
This happened to a friend on the weekend, and being quite honest, it took them by surprise. Even those of us who’re better equipped aren’t immune. Some cutting words from a loved one, hurt feelings, and a self-protective retort that left both with regrets. It had been a ridiculous quarrel, over something as simple as a missing bottle of soda, the lid off the juice, or shoes not picked up. But to them, it represented something a good deal deeper that had been simmering away for a couple of weeks until the frustration reached the breaking point. If you are feeling your relationship reaching the breaking point, you can get help now by trying out:
There can be intense frustration when you are forced to look for something that is not where it was expected to be. Worse still, when one person moved it and the other didn’t know the first place to begin searching.
Looking for that specific shirt or needles and thread, lost car keys, a document missing from the drawer, lost covers for the outdoor chairs, all were examples of circumstances where the house needed to be turned upside-down. A moment’s consideration or perhaps a compassionate reply when these things were mentioned would have saved lots of time and frustration. And the answer which was received? “You need to open your eyes and organize yourself better”
This off-handed remark characterized the misunderstanding and lack of compassion that had been running through the relationship for quite some time. One partner did the majority of the family chores and felt angry that their efforts weren’t noticed.
Praise or appreciation wasn’t expected, but simple acknowledgment was. Getting told that, “I don’t expect you to clean the house or cook my dinner every night,” was interpreted by my friend as lack of appreciation, and hurt her even more.
So where to from here? My friend’s partner felt guilty at coming home every night to the perfect house, whereas she felt guilty if it wasn’t perfect. It was never about her trying to make him feel guilty, but it seemed it did. And this is where the communication fell apart. He misinterpreted my friend’s hard work, and she in turn misinterpreted his response.
Communication is so important. My friend needed to be considered when things were not put back in their place. When two people live together it requires adjustment in routines, habits, and attitudes. Some concern of her feelings needed to be taken into account in order for the relationship to move forward.
There was a need to voice frustrations before they reach the boiling point. What was required was a dedication to talking about emotions more often, and in such a way that both partners could do so without judgment or consequence. Open communication was the important thing for their success, rather than suppressing feelings.
When people experience guilt or tension, it leads them to act in strange ways. Frequently stress and guilt are obstacles to communication. The important thing to overcoming them is to recognize what it is, and have the courage to discuss it. You might be able to take action as a couple, or you may want the help of a friend who can listen to the way you are communicating with one another and offer insights and advice.
They got it sorted out, and kissed and hugged. It wouldn’t hurt so much if you didn’t feel such love at the same time. But it serves as an excellent reminder to all. On occasion you get so wrapped up in your own emotions that you just forget to think about the other person. You also should entertain the chance that you’re misinterpreting each other. Talking about it is the best method to expose the miscommunication and let the healing begin.
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